Neurotic Camel

Oh, for the past few days, I've had some noble aspirations. One was to clean the house. OK. It was An Aspiration. Also, it did not happen.

I'm kind of a big old softie when it comes to taking the kids to day care. Ever since I was in, like, junior high...I didn't know if I wanted kids, but I did know that if I had them, I did not want them going to day care.

Probably the thing that motivated me to try my darndest to stay married was the idea of having to put the kids in day care.

So, since I've been home sick this week (but slightly less so as of...today) I figured I would keep them home from day care today. So we could hang out. And that's how that wild aspiration came about.

The house isn't too bad. And all 3 kids I was keeping home take naps. And a lot of what I had to do was the folding of the laundry. I could totally do that AND schedule simultaneous family bonding time in the form of a movie we cam all tolerate.*shakes fist* (Seriously, somebody find me a way out of this madness. Didn't I just lose a whole day to this? We need disposable clothes.)

What I didn't anticipate was the sub par sleep I got the night before. (At one point, I woke up to New Baby (yes, we call her that) kicking me repeatedly in the nose. How does that even happen?) In the morning, I was awoken at the first glimmer of dawn by Abbey, crawling across my bed on all fours. "Hey mom. Mom," she whispered exaggeratedly, "MOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOM. Hey. Mom. I wanna do Play Doh." (I lay very still, hoping she'll think I look so cute when I'm sleeping and that she'll decide against disturbing me.) "Hey mom. Mom. Mom." (She topples off the edge of the bed. Silence. I'm torn between concern for her well-being and psyched that I might have scored an extra couple moments of sleep.) (Her head pops up over the edge of the bed.) "Moooooom. I'm OK."

She grins.

So we get up and of course, they want to eat, so I get everybody changed, fix some breakfast and sit down to eat. By this time, New Baby wants to nurse again. (I try to just nurse her when I'm at home with her because 1. Formula is dang expensive. 2. They just had a recall for finding beetles (and beetle parts!) in it. As far as I know, that hasn't been a problem with my breastmilk. and 3. Even sans-beetles, I have a hard time feeling good about feeding my kid something whose first ingredient is "Corn syrup solids.")

So, we do that. Then Lola wants to sit on my shoulders brandishing a toy ice cream cone and toy baby bottle. Why? I do not know.

At least Abbey is committed to watching an exorbitant amount of PBS kids. I'm 1/3 of the way to being able to accomplish something. I try to get Lola interested in the show. No dice.

But then, New Baby's eyelids are drooping as she eats. Maybe she's going to go down for a nap. All of that late night nose kicking probably wore her out. I let her nurse for a good long while to get her all tuckered out. And she's asleep. Awesome. I carefully lay her down in my bed and come back out. Abbey's still watching TV. I try to get Lola interested in her dinosaur toy. No. I make her some popcorn. Not interested. I finally give her a bowl of pretzel sticks and she sits down to watch Curious George. Now Abbey's nowhere to be found. I hear New Baby stirring from the other room. Dang it. I go inside and find Abbey, her face hovering inches over New Baby's, sucking her pacifier enthusiastically.

When Abbey was a baby, I tried desperately to find a pacifier she would take. I spent late nights googling "Most nipple-like pacifier" and ordering every search result. None ever took. So, in my opinion, her pacifier window has passed and I have no qualms about plucking that thing right out of her mouth. She had her chance.

So, Abbey's now woken up New Baby. And there is no time for me to do anything.

This same problem played itself out in different combinations for the entire rest of the day. Like, eventually I ended up going out and purchasing dinner so as not to add to the incredibly long to do list from which no items were crossed off. (I did manage to choke down my dinner in record time, leaving the kids eating at the table so I could do a hurried load of dishes while they were distracted.)

It's a juggling act, it is supreme magic to get anything accomplished ever...and if you're ever wondering what gift to give at a baby shower or whatever...someday, once the newness of having a kid wears off, be there to give the parent a break. Parenting is a constant shifting of priorities which means that an entire day of laundry folding can rear its ugly head pretty easily. Or you can go longer than you're willing to come to terms with without showering. Or years without shaving. Or hours without peeing. I do that all the time. I'm so used to eating fast and not taking a bathroom break for myself ever, I'm like some sort of neurotic camel. (Do camels hold pee? It seems like they would. Isn't that what the humps are for?)

I know though, that the immediacy of keeping all these balls in the air gives the illusion of time passing slowly but really time is passing me by so fast that if I keep my eye on the ball and not on my kids, I'm going to turn around and miss it. It's hard to simultaneously hurry up and slow down. Especially when you've needed to vacuum for so long that you start trying to convince yourself that your carpeting probably came with a crunchy dusting of Rice Krispies. Right? Let's pretend it's not sticking to my feet. Or that it is and I like it. Works for me.